Today is a beautiful day where I live.
So why am I so disturbed today? this question keeps bugging me so I decided to write about it.
It all started when I went on the internet to see what was going on today. I read some news, laughed at some stupid video on youtube, then I went on Facebook.. Ah that’s what happen, I went on FB.
When you go on Facebook you see all the great things your friends are doing.. and you can’t help but compare their life to your life. When you do that, all you see is the negativity of everything, your present, the failing of some goals and so much more.
Of course we only see the good things on Facebook… we don’t see their struggle, their insecurity nor their failures and most of all their sacrifice. It’s all sunshine and rainbows… yet we compare with our life.
Now the thing that trigger my depression. I guess “depression” is the wrong word. I think the right word is…torment…anyway. I was on Facebook where I saw a friend in Germany. This person was able to go in Munich with a job while continuo their studies here. I said to myself “man….that’s what I want”. I want to live in another country. Learn a new language, understand a new culture.
The truth is that I don’t know if I’ll every have the chance to do this again in my life time.
So what keep me here:
First of all, my obligations to finish my university.
Civil Engineering is a very demanding major. I have two group project that must be finish before I can go anywhere. This projects must be done face to face and not faraway. Plus most of the time you can’t finish it without going to the professor or seeing a peer. So the two project must be finish before I can leave.
Then there is also the problem of studying by myself. Some subjects can only be pass if you study in groups!
Of course you can do it by yourself but you need ten times the effort and the time with many more failures.
So there is a benefits in studying in the university’s library where any questions are answer by a peer.
I have a friend that went to live in Switzerland and she is suffering from studying by herself. She is having a hard time passing exams. I think that she only pass one exam this winter and from what I heard she nearly failed it.
The Second thing is my girlfriend but I won’t write here the reason…(I think she read this blog diary 😛 )
The third reason is being afraid of change…The realty who isn’t. We all like the routine of security.. The unknown future can be exciting but also terrifying. What happens if you can’t make it? Where would you go? what would you do? and so many more doubts…
But then again we all know ships are safer in a Harbor but that’s not what ships are for! Yes there is going to be some storms on the way but the other side of the sea is so much more rewarding then this Harbor. We must always keep growing physical, mental and spiritual. With that in mind I got a new drive to do what I have to do to continuo to grow! 🙂